1. Don’t ask if you can stay over. Our spaces, as we love to call them, are small. They are so small, that we have to rent out monthly storage to house our actual stuff. That means, unless you wouldn’t mind sleeping on a twin size blanket the size of our living room, don’t ask to ‘stay over’ to avoid paying the exorbitant hotel fees. Now, on the other hand, if you understand deeply that our spaces our tiny, almost unconscionable to middle America, then come on over for an intimate sleepover!
2. Don’t take pictures of my apartment. I don’t know what’s worse, asking to stay in my bite sized space or actually taking a picture of it. New Yorkers are so self-conscious about what non-New Yorkers think about their apartment. It’s so depressing that you think it’s acceptable to put my Ikea rug on Facebook for someone who has never left Tapanak County to ‘like’ it? Come on? Can we at least compare apples to apples with someone who knows what an apple is?
3. Don’t use hand sanitizer every 15 seconds. We get it. You think New York City is dirty. It is. It’s probably the dirtiest place you’ve ever seen and smelt. But dear, hand sanitizer won’t help you. The train station is incredibly filthy. It is probably filthier than I can fathom and yet the best thing you can do is ignore it.
4. Don’t ask me to take you to Red Lobster, Olive Garden, McDonald’s or Ruth Chris’ Steakhouse. This is New York City! That means, there are Italian restaurants that can run circles around Olive Garden. That means there are seafood places with clean, fresh lobster! Not that disgusting place you call Red Lobster. Why settle for McDonald’s when you can at least have Shake Shack? You can get some of the best sushi outside of Japan (and California) in New York City. You can get some of the best samosas outside of India. You can taste the best baklava, the most amazing tapas, the most well-cooked soul food. Pure and untouched and not mass produced.
5. Don’t be scared to walk. Yes, I have a car. My car is for driving to other states not to drive 10 blocks. If you don’t like to walk, you better get used to it. If you don’t want to walk in the heat, the rain, the snow, the wind, I feel sorry for you. No one told you to pack 5 pair of heels. You need good walking shoes. Even if you are sick, we are walking to the emergency room.